New Years Resolutions are broken within the first 3 months of the year. And if you're an addict, an ACOA, or have family or friends with an compulsive behavior, every year, it's the same thing -- This year will be different!!
No matter how much we try, research has found that over 95% of us have broken our New Year’s Resolutions within the first three months of the year. This should tell us that although we have good intentions, having good intentions are not enough. – So before venturing too far into the year, let’s make this year different – and if you've already fallen off the wagon, no excuses, get back on.
This month’s topic: New Years Resolutions – Tips to Keep Them
This e-zine provides monthly tips and techniques to stop being addicted and help you or someone you love, live a more powerful life.
Q & A
—Losing weight, quitting smoking or drinking, improving physical fitness, spending more time with people you love, getting out of debt, making more money, becoming a better person (i.e., helping others, acting less selfish, becoming more tolerant) . . . one or more of these are on everyone’s to-do list. So, this year is
a time to change Goals: Be realistic. Set a moderate goal and stick with it. Planning to walk half an hour three times a week is more practical than resolving to run a marathon. Keep on trying and you’ll reap rewards.
Plan: Make a specific plan. Rather than telling yourself you’ll lose weight, take positive action to do it – and you don’t have to be perfect. If you go off track, get back on – no excuses. Staying on track becomes a habit.
Support: Other people can help you. Join a support group or a 12 step program. Get
counseling or coaching
Asking for help can be difficult, but it forces your commitment to change.
Start now – not Monday, not the beginning of the month. If a moment of resolve comes and goes, you’ll lose momentum and a potential opportunity to advance your agenda. If you jump the gun by even a few days, you’ll be that much closer to your objective. So why wait? Like Nike says "just do it".
Negativity: Don’t be
Learn from your mistakes. If a mood or setting carries a strong message (trigger) for you to light up a cigarette and you’ve vowed to quit, avoid returning to that scene-- or have a Plan B for times when that mood or setting reoccurs. Ex. If you always pick up wine at the local store, don’t go there for awhile. Triggers are automatic.
Incentives: Trying to lose weight? Get out those pants you once were able to wear and keep them in sight for motivation. You wore them once, you can do it again.
Positive self-feedback Remind yourself why you want to change. Don’t only see what you ‘could have done’, look at what you've 'already done' too.
My sister is an alcoholic and she’s verbally abusive and goes on benders for days. She is in her 30s and has a 5 year old child. My mother usually supports her, giving her money etc but this only
my sister’s bad behavior and after my sister threatened to kill my her, mum stopped everything.
I believe my nephew is suffering abuse. He told me today that mummy just drank wine and didn't make anything for dinner. He watches my sister and her "boyfriend" have drunken physical fights. But I feel I have to stay on her good side so that I can have access to her son. He never wants to go back to her house.
The authorities have been alerted, but they don't care unless her child is actually injured. No one can talk to her about drinking. Right now I say nothing negative for the sake of the child. He loves to come to my house and the time with my family is the most stable, peaceful time he has. Should I challenge her behavior or simply carry on playing make-believe?
Authorities can’t remove a child from the home unless there is 'crisis' -- and unfortunately having an abusive drunken mother does not qualify as a crisis.
You and your family are positive influences on your nephew, so for his sake continue what you've been doing. You can also offer your sister, as much 'baby sitting' as she needs etc,
Don't bother challenging her drinking, because it will only lead to war. Your sister is in denial and will defend her behavior to the end. If she reaches a low point, however, you can suggest that she goes to AA meetings, but don't get into it. Only the alcoholic can choose to make changes, and right now your sister has no intention of doing so.
It may also be helpful for you to attend Al-Anon. The members are in similar situations and you can get ideas from others who are coping with this dysfunctional and abusive behavior.
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