Mending A Broken Heart
Intro Emotional Pain Loss Grief Emotions Escape Dealing Sorrow Tips Q &A Next Month
Studies have recently found out that you can actually die of a broken heart. Well, deep down inside we’ve actually known this but now we have evidence. At Johns Hopkins University school of medicine, A study led by Dr. Ilan Wittstein, at Johns Hopkins University school of medicine, demonstrated that stress hormones, produced when there is a break up in a relationship, a death, a sudden shock etc. can bring on symptoms similar to a heart attack. The subjects ranged in age from 27 years to their 70’s and none of them had a history of heart problems. This condition has now been labeled as a ‘broken heart syndrome’. It can weaken the heart muscle, lower blood pressure and though the heart is not permanently damaged, when the body doesn’t get the blood flow it needs, you can become critically ill. The broken heart syndrome can happen, with any type of emotional loss. So how do you mend a broken heart? That’s the topic of the May issue in the Powerful Living Ezine: Mending a Broken Heart.
Loss Whether it’s a relationship, a loved one, a bankruptcy, a job – no one likes the feeling of loss. You can rationalize it – saying, ‘it happens to everyone’ or ‘I’ll get over it’, but these justifications are not helpful. Your loss is your own and you have to get over it your way. Grief When you are grieving, you’re grieving the loss. Some feelings you experience are anger, loneliness, despair, fear, sadness, emptiness – all uncomfortable, but they have to be experienced to be able to pull yourself together and move on. Emotions Feelings are emotionally charged. Sometimes the only way to cope is to divert your attention from the situation. This is a way to get immediate relief and it’s important to give yourself a break from pain and suffering. Mourning In death, we understand the mourning period. But there’s also a mourning period in a divorce, a job loss, a relationship break-up or any loss that causes emotional pain. To overcome the pain, there has to be a period of mourning. Escape Escaping the pain is a way to endure it, but it’s ineffective. You can jump into another relationship, take an exotic trip, do anything to divert your feelings and ‘forget’. But you can’t really forget. These feelings have to be resolved or you’ll feel disconnected and empty, make wrong decisions and your emotions will intensify for no apparent reason. You must deal with the pain. Dealing Our society is not set up for dealing with emotional pain. It makes us uncomfortable. “Get over it”, “How long are you going to carry on about it?” “Move on”. These expressions actually make us feel guilty about talking about loss. Sorrow Sorrow is not pain. Having sorrow means the grieving has passed. You’re sad, but you’ve dealt with the loss. The emptiness may be there, but it does not overwhelm you any more. You don’t forget what has happened, but you’ve dealt with it. Now, it’s time to move on.
These tips can help you mend a broken heart. 1) Do not ignore the pain and pretend it didn’t exist or it’s not that bad. 2) Develop a relationship or friendship with someone you can talk to. 3) Get professional help. Don’t ignore your depression. 4) Get out of the house. Meet friends, even if you don’t feel like doing it. 5) Don’t lose hope. It may not seem possible, but you can still find happiness once you’ve healed. 6) Do physical exercise. Exercise has been clinically proven to reduce stress, and reduce depression. 7) Find a method of relaxation that works for you and do it at least 6 times in 7 days. 8) Take up yoga. Yoga poses have been clinically proven to reduce stress. 9) Eat a healthy diet. To feel better, you have to take care of yourself 10) Don’t escape the pain with alcohol, gambling, compulsive over eating, and other negative behaviors.
(source: cardiologist, Dr. Kirk Laman)
Q
Hi Bev, My fiancée and I have been together for 3 years now, and this has been an ongoing problem. When we first met, we did a lot of social drinking with friends and I discovered early on that I had a problem. I don't intentionally go out of my way to get drunk, in fact I would rather avoid it but it seems like I either can't control myself and will keep pouring myself more drinks. I love my fiancée and would never do anything to hurt her, but I can't seem to avoid this issue. It has repeatedly been a point of argument, usually with me pleading for forgiveness and making promises not to do it again but the cycle repeats... When it's just the two of us at home, I'm content to sip wine with dinner or we will split a bottle if we're out for a nice meal. I don't drink daily and don't feel driven to drink, but when I do drink socially I will end up getting drunk. I love my fiancée and want more than anything for her to trust me not to binge. How can I avoid binging? Thank you. Bryan A Hi Bryan, It seems that you are able to control yourself when you and your fiancée are alone, but when the opportunity presents itself socially, you binge. A binge drinking habit is difficult to break, but not all binge drinkers are alcoholics. Here's more information:
on binge drinking
Don't drink on an empty stomach, Come late, leave early, Drink slowly (no more that (1 1/2 glasses- at 2 you'll start to lose control.) Drink sodas, water etc to pass the time. Take a drink to be social, but tell yourself that you're there for the conversation, or the food or whatever. You’re not there to get drunk. You won't get a buzz with 1 1/2 drinks, but you'll be more confident and proud of yourself the next day. I hope this information is helpful. Best of luck! Bev
The 'bible' of codependency is 'Codependent No More' by Melanie Beatie. You can find it on this site.
Check it out.
The getting a good night's sleep. Tired of being tired? We'll talk about that then.
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