Not A Perfect Ten? Stop beating yourself up now!!

Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.~Harriet Braiker

Not a perfect ten? Don’t beat yourself up, because finding perfection is impossible. Humans are not perfect but we’re never satisfied. We all have things that we would like to change about ourselves. However, in the quest for perfection we get blindsided by our faults and we can get wrapped up in them and even become obsessed. If you’re not a perfect ten, you can be so stressed about it that you’re unable to learn the lessons that our experiences provide.

We need to make mistakes so we can grow and learn, and we have to get out of our comfort zone to do it.

The topic of this months newsletter: Perfectionism – You can’t be a perfect ten, So Stop beating Yourself Up Now!!

(think of the last time you were on a diet:)
If you’re not a perfect ten, you can be so stressed about it that you’re unable to learn the lessons that our experiences provide.

We need to make mistakes so we can grow and learn, and we have to get out of our comfort zone to do it.

The topic of this months newsletter: Perfectionism – You can’t be a perfect ten, So Stop beating Yourself Up Now!!

In order to evolve, we must understand that everyone’s idea of perfection is not the same. Ex. if your goal is to lose weight
all of us have a different perception of what ideal weight --similarly with all of our judgments. It is up to us to determine what this concept is, keeping the improvement that you’d like in mind.

When you’re too demanding on yourself, you'll sabotage your efforts. This is typical of binging for alcohol and also for binge eating
Perfectionist expectations are particularly familiar if you’ve struggled to kick any addiction – one drink, one piece of cake, can lead to a relapse.

1) Accept that you are only human. Despite our most humble efforts, we occasionally fall short of meeting our goals. If you don’t think that you’re a perfect ten, you tend to be harder on yourself than anyone. This is particularly true of /children from alcoholic families.

2) See the silver lining in certain situations, it is impossible to see the value of the experience. Every negative experience also has a positive. If you want success, you have to stop beating yourself up.

3) Surround yourself with supportive people. The road to self-discovery can be difficult. Recruit your most positive friends and family members to rally behind you while you go through the process of accepting your imperfections. Positive people provide you the motivation that you need to remain strong and stop chastising yourself.

4) change is an ongoing process It takes 30 days for something to become a habit. That’s why it’s important to remember that change isn’t going to happen overnight.

5) Be patient with yourself and remember that “happiness is a journey not a destination.”

6) Model the positive thoughts and behaviors of people that you admire. Reading a book or listening to an inspirational podcast can help you accept your faults in a productive way. Let the individuals behind this material to become your role models. Read their stories and remember that they are just like you. They also have their shortcomings. Understanding why we feel we must be perfect (if you’re

codependent for example

can help you appreciate certain situations more. Although, it won’t be easy to turn off the part of your brain that wants to criticize the way you do things, it is necessary if you want to let go the idea that you ‘should’ be a perfect ten. Ultimately you’ll become a better person.

you may be addicted to the high of a new relationship – and you’re not being realistic. Relationships change over time. The spark of the honeymoon period is just the beginning. A good relationship evolves over time, but like anything else that's worth doing, you have to be willing to work at it.

Q & A


I have lived with my boyfriend and his children and for two years now. He is recently a recovering alcoholic He recently went on a one week trip with a group of recovering alcoholics. It was hard for me but I dealt with's like some secret group in his life that I'm not allowed to know about.

Now, we have no friends and are secluded from everything social because he isn't drinking and they are all drinkers. My girlfriends don't invite me to do anything with them and I go months without talking to them. I have told my boyfriend many times that we need to find non-drinking new friends but I don't think he realizes that this has affected my life too.

I don't know where I would find new friends. We are not religious but live in the bible belt. Here, it seems you either party or spend all your time in church. I feel so isolated and lonely.

We seem to be stuck in a lull that doesn't bother him but leaves a very lonely life for me. Any ideas?


When you are in recovery and go to meetings, you form close bonds with others who have a shared history and the members become a safe group. There are also weekend retreats and conferences, and other social events for members. Your boyfriend is developing a new community of non-drinking friends, but this ends up being a lonely life for you.

Keep encouraging him in his sobriety, however it's important for you to also have a network of friends.

I encourage you to go to Al-anon meetings in your area. You'll find that there are many family members of recovering alcoholic/addicts who are going through similar problems. You might develop couple and family friends there.

Joining interest groups or courses is another way to develop another new friends. You don't have to be a church member, to participate in what these groups offer. However, you'll have to avoid the members who pressure you further.

It seems that your friends have an issue with your boyfriend's sobriety. However, with time, he may not have to avoid them. He'll still have to socialize without drinking but, when you build a new network or couples and friends, the old ones may not be the best choice in the long run. I hope this information is helpful.


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