Alcohol

by Kori W.
(South Carolina)

My husband denies having a drinking problem yet, he drinks anywhere from 2-5 twelve packs of beer a week.

When I confront him about it and ask him to slow down it causes arguments. He says that he is only drinking a lot right now because his dad is dying of cancer.

We can’t afford to pay our bills, but there is always beer in the refrigerator. I have asked him numerous times to slow down or wait till our bills get paid and he says that he will. But, after I go to bed, or when he’s coming home from work, I’ve found out that he’s been drinking.

I know he’s going through a lot right now, but I don’t think that he should be using alcohol as a crutch. I have even threatened to leave, so he would realize that his drinking is ruining our relationship, but then he promises to change and convinces me to stay.

What can I do?

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Not only is your husband drinking too much and ruining his health, but his drinking is driving you into debt. He’s also in denial because he’s using his father’s illness as an excuse to keep on drinking.

It’s very difficult dealing with death, however ‘by self-medicating’ with alcohol to avoid the pain, he’s not dealing with it -- and ruining your relationship in the process.

Your husband may or may not be able to cut down or postpone drinking till the bills get paid, but you have to let him know that you’re serious. Tell him that he’s broken too many promises and the bills must be paid so you’re paying them, and giving him an allowance.

Failing that, you'll have to go to the next level – leave. And don’t come back until he makes changes. Suggest that he goes to AA or gets other help for drinking. It would also benefit you to attend Al-Anon to get additional support.

If he doesn’t make changes on his own, unfortunately, you’re the one who has to pressure him into it. I hope this will be the wake-up call he needs, so you can get your relationship back.

Bev