Stuck in a relationship.... can't focus on my life

by Maryam
(Montreal)

I'm 32 years old and I've been in a relationship, for almost two years.

I'm going through a break up and my mind is working non-stop. It's not clear what I'm thinking about, but I can't do anything... just sitting in front of my PC and doing nothing for many hours.

Although we broke up, I really love him.

Both of us enjoy spending time together and we both believe our sex life is great, but that something must be wrong because we can't trust each other. This is the reason for the break-up, but instead of breaking up, I really wish we could do something to fix it.

I live alone in Montreal, my family lives in Iran and I don't have close friends here. I'm here to work on my master's thesis but everyday passes without me doing ANYTHING.

I need help to get out of this situation.

Please tell me how I can concentrate on my life, instead of spending hours and hours thinking about the problem in our relationship.

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It sounds like you don't want the relationship to end, and you don't know what to do about it. To add the situation -- this was a two year relationship. Without friends or family around, he must have occupied a large part in your life and you have to fill that.

You've broken up because of trust issues, but if you both enjoy each others company, and have a good sex life, perhaps this was premature.

Have you thought about couple counseling? Find out if there are counseling services at school, or make an appointment with a trained professional.

If your boyfriend refuses to join you, perhaps there's more going on. And, if that's the case, work on getting closure with this relationship.

Once you talk about the situation, and get strategies on how to deal with it, the anxiety will leave. This will allow you to focus on the work that's ahead of you and give you a more peaceful frame of mind.