New Years Resolutions --How To Keep ThemNew Years Resolutions are broken within the first 3 months of the year. And if you're an addict, an ACOA, or have family or friends with an obsessive behavior, every year, it's the same thing -- This year I'll change!! Studies have found that over 95% of us have broken our New Year’s resolutions within the first three months. This should tell us that although we have good intentions, having good intentions are not enough. – So before venturing too far into the year, let’s make this year different – and if you fell off the wagon, no excuses, get back on. This month’s topic: New Years Resolutions – Tips to Keep Them This e-zine provides monthly tips and techniques to stop being addicted and help yourself or someone you love, live a more powerful life. Intro Self Improvement Goals Plan Support Start Now Negativity Incentives Positive Feedback Joy Behavioral Modification Q & A Next Month:
Self-improvement—Losing weight, quitting smoking or drinking, improving physical fitness, spending more time with people you love, getting out of debt, making more money, becoming a better person (i.e., helping others, acting less selfish, taming the temper) . . . one or more of these are on everyone’s to-do list. And if you or someone you know is involved in an addiction, you always make the new year a time to change Goals: Be realistic, Set a moderate goal and stick with it. Planning to walk half an hour three times a week is more practical than resolving to run a marathon. Keep on trying and you’ll reap rewards. Plan: Make a specific plan. Rather than telling yourself you’ll lose weight, take positive action to do it – and you don’t have to be perfect. If you go off track, get back on – no excuses. This becomes a habit. Support: Other people are helpful. Join a support group or a 12 step program. Get counseling or coaching Asking for help can be difficult, but it forces your commitment to change. Start now – not on Monday, or the beginning of the month. If a moment of resolve comes and goes, you’ll lose momentum and a potential opportunity to advance your agenda. If you jump the gun by even a few days, you’ll be that much closer to your objective. Negativity: Don’t be negative Learn from your mistakes. If a mood or setting carries a strong message (trigger) for you to light up a cigarette and you’ve vowed to quit, avoid returning to that scene-- or have a Plan B for times when that mood or setting reoccurs. Ex. If you always pick up wine at the store, don’t go there for awhile. Triggers are automatic. Incentives: Trying to lose weight? Get out those pants you once were able to wear and keep them around for motivation. You wore them once, you can do it again. Positive self-feedback. Remind yourself why you want to change. Don’t only see what you ‘could have done’, look at your achievements too.
Q&A Q My sister is an alcoholic and she’s verbally abusive and goes on benders for days. She is in her 30s and has a 5 year old child. My mother usually supports her, giving her money etc but this only enabled my sister’s bad behavior and after my sister threatened to kill my her, mum stopped everything. I believe my nephew is suffering abuse. He told me today that mummy just drank wine and didn't make anything for dinner. He watches my sister and her "boyfriend" have drunken physical fights. But I feel I have to stay on her good side so that I can have access to her son. He never wants to go back to her house. The authorities have been alerted, but they don't care unless her child is actually injured. No one can talk to her about drinking. Right now I say nothing negative for the sake of the child. He loves to come to my house and the time with my family is the most stable, peaceful time he has. Should I challenge her on her behavior or simply carry on playing make-believe? Please help. Charlene
Authorities can’t remove the child from the home unless there is 'crisis' -- and unfortunately having an abusive drunken mother does not qualify as a crisis. You and your family are positive influences on your nephew, so for his sake continue what you've been doing. You can also offer your sister, as much 'baby sitting' as she needs etc, Don't bother challenging her drinking, because it will only lead to war. Your sister is in denial and will defend her behavior to the end. If she reaches a low point, however, you can suggest that she goes to AA meetings, but don't get into it. Only the alcoholic can choose to make changes, and right now your sister has no intention of doing so. It may also be helpful for you to attend Al-Anon. The members are in similar situations and you can get ideas from others who are coping with this dysfunctional and abusive behavior. All the best to you Bev
As part of the rehabilitation process, he has to take responsibility for his actions. He must understand that alcohol (not you) destroyed his life and he must pay the consequences. Although the reality of going to jail can be a harsh one, I've heard it said many times that ‘going to prison was the wake-up call’ that was necessary to live a sober life. I hope your ex will have that same reality check. In the mean time you have to create a positive environment for yourself and your kids. You are a victim of this crime, and he must take responsibility for his actions -- keeping this in mind will help absolve your guilt. All the best, Bev
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Make the new year different and keep those resolutions!! Wishing you all a peaceful holiday and thank you for all your comments and suggestions. I read all of them, so keep them coming :) Happy New Year!! Bev
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