Sexual Addiction -- Is it real?

"New Rule: Stop saying “Sex Addict”, like it’s a bad thing." Bill Maher

Intro

Facts

The Brain

Family

Stress

Preoccupation

Rituals

Compulsion

Despair

Cross Addiction

Tips

Q &A

Next Month:

Jokes about sexual addiction are everywhere –- particularly lately, with Tiger Woods going off to rehab to stop his affairs. Was that great PR to get public sympathy or can sex really be an addiction?

I’ve been asked in all seriousness, ‘what’s wrong with being a sex addict?’ But ask any sex addict, and they’ll tell you that it’s not funny. They’re troubled by their behavior and they want to change.

Is sexual addiction really an addiction or is it an excuse for having multiple affairs? The topic for May is: sex Addiction. Is it really an addiction? You decide. Facts: Sexual Addiction has been studied and it’s been estimated that 3-6 % of adults are preoccupied with sexual gratification – spending hours preoccupied with sexual gratification. This consumes their thoughts and becomes an obsession, similar to other addictions, like gambling and food. Sex addicts engage in risky sexual behavior, and feel out of control and feel they can’t stop no matter how hard they try.

The Brain: Dr Aviel Goodman director of the Minnesota Institute of Psychology concluded that there is a chemical imbalance in the brain, similar to the cycle of alcoholism. The sex addict must increase the intensity and frequency of their behavior to get the same result.

Family Family history may be part of the issue as many addicts with sex addiction have reported that they were abused or neglected when they were young. However, this is not always the case.

Stress: Often stress triggers compulsive behavior and physical and psychological arousal is triggered by brain chemicals involving excitement, as well as other stress-related neurotransmitters.

Preoccupation: Sex addicts become preoccupied with their fantasies. These fantasies could be about any sexual act, fueling the addiction.

Rituals: Like all other addictions, rituals are part of the obsessive behavior. These fantasies can be a preferred sexual act with a known partner a fetish or stereotypical repetitive behavior with a stranger. Compulsion:The obsession becomes a compulsion to act and the addict feels out of control. Regardless of consequences or wanting to stop, the sexual addict is compelled to carry out what he or she feels must be done to get relief.

Despair:Once the act is completed, there is a sense of despair and regret – extreme guilt and shame over what they’ve done and resolve that they won’t do it again – but they do.

Cross Addiction:Sex addicts put themselves at risk in many ways and if they have/an addictive personality, sex addiction can be accompanied by other addictions -- most common is addiction to drugs and alcohol.

So is Tiger Woods a sex addict? We’ll probably never know, but he and the other celebrities have unknowingly helped others by bringing publicity to the problem. Sex addicts don’t reveal their secret and so it’s hard for them to open up and get help. Having an awareness that others can be helped for the problem is the first step to help themselves . a healthy relationship One person should not carry the entire load?

Abandonment: Are you threatened with abandonment, if you don’t do or say what the other wants? Sometimes abandonment comes with punishment – not picking up the phone, not talking for days, that type of thing….this is hurtful, abusive behavior.

Comparison: It is also hurtful to compare your partner with another person. You are indirectly telling your partner that he/she is not as good. This can be demeaning.

Apology: When a mistake is made, is there an apology? Are you forgiven or are will it resurface at a later date?

Love: Most of the time, you should be fond of each other. Ask yourself if this is basically a love match, or you're merely tolerating each other.

codependents

abusive or does not measure up as healthy, don’t be alarmed. Awareness is the first step to making changes

If you’ve been drawn to an affair, or are having an emotional affair there’s something missing in your relationship.

Do whatever it takes to get the help you need, before you decide to move on.

The goal of a healthy relationship, is not based on ‘neediness and dependency’ each of you should enhance the others life.

Q &A

Q

Is tequila a stimulant or depressant? The general consensus seems to be that it is a depressant. But, I’m told that it's the only alcohol that is a stimulant.

After looking online I'm getting mixed messages. I'm not convinced that it's a stimulant at all, but I'd like to know for sure. Thanks for your help.

A

I go with the theory that all alcohol is a depressant -- and tequila is no exception.

For some people, however, taken is small amounts, tequila can be stimulating.

Nevertheless, tequila is an alcoholic drink and would be classified as a depressant.

What’s New On The Site

Finally, the site is interactive. You can now ask me a question and have others benefit as well – and even comment (and of course you can be anonymous) It's easy. Just type and post

Next Month

Sex addiction – Tiger Woods went to rehab for it. Is sex addiction really an addiction? That's the topic for May.

If you or someone you know wants a consultation, has had a slip, or wants coaching, you can get help on the web. For all impulse control behaviors ex. compulsive eating, sex, computer addiction etc.

Coaching is a simple and effective way to get help. Try a free 30 minute session Here's how.

If you know someone who would appreciate this newsletter, please do both of us a favor and pass it on.

If a friend forwarded this newsletter to you and you like what you read, please subscribe