Learning To Let Go – What’s Past Must Pass

Learning to let go of the past, can be challenging at best, but although it's natural to regret what we or others have done to us, it's not healthy to dwell on it. Focusing our energy on the future allows us to make better, more informed decisions and also gives us something to look forward to. Although it is easier said than done, getting over past hurts, bad choices and failed relationships, is something we have to do to for emotional growth. With that said, here are 5 Tips to help you learn to let go of the past: Accept the fact that we all have faults and forgive yourself for your bad decisions No one is perfect. Even if you come from an alcoholic family or beat yourself up because you beat yourself up because you keep going back to a dysfunctional relationship -- Everyone has their issues. The sooner you come to terms with this notion, the better. If your past continues to haunt you, do whatever it takes to have the courage to stand up to your past and accept it. You'll never be able to live a full, happy life in the present if your mind is in the past.

Believe in the future Having something to look forward to can make all the difference because it allows you to put the past in perspective. Set goals and take small steps daily to reach them. Before you know it, you’ll feel better, but you can’t forget the past. You simply don’t have to allow it to disturb you, because you’ll be concentrating on the future.

Share your experience with others Speak about what you've gone through. Don’t be about it. Be open and honest about your family and how you deal with the pressure Explain how much it hurts to talk about it. Encourage others to share their stories with you so that you can establish a common ground. Allow others to rally around you and provide you with the support that you need to heal – but no self-pity. Learn to Relax Clear your mind and think of what you can do to benefit from being a survivor. Reflect on moving forward and on the better things to come.

Keep an anger journal Writing is very therapeutic. You can spill your guts in a journal without fear of retaliation for making another person angry. However, if you choose to keep a written record of your feelings, make sure you can handle what you’ve written. When you’re finished, tear up what you’ve written. The goal is not to reread your journal. It’s strictly to get your thoughts out of your head and let them go so you can move on.

Our past shapes who we are today. You do not have to identify with the person that you were back then, and neither do you have to ‘understand’ others who have hurt you.

Accept what’s gone on in your life, keep your head up and your heart open. Keep learning how to let go past anger and pain. This not only will improve the quality of your life today, but it’s guaranteed to provide you with a brighter tomorrow.

Q I am helping a friend get through a bone marrow transplant. One of the many restrictions is "no alcohol", but he is an

alcoholic and has no interest in quitting.

This is his second bout with cancer and the choice was to get the bone marrow transplant to extend his life. He is 59. He is at home and I am his cook/cleaner/driver/assistant. He was told "no alcohol for a year" and I agreed to help him for 100 days to get through this initial phase. I used give him infusions (IVs) as needed, and drive him 70 miles to the doctor's office about once a week.

I do not like the fact that I am working at getting him better and he is sabotaging his recovery. He has told no one but me about the drinking. Do I have a responsibility to tell his daughter, to tell his doctor?

Bonnie

A You sound like an amazing friend, but this man is taking advantage of your good nature.

His bone marrow transplant was intended to extend his life, and you are generously nursing him through it. This is a life-and-death situation, and he's in denial of his drinking as well as risking his life.

The only way you can help him, is by not enabling him and unintentionally, that is what you’re doing. The more you enable him, the more he will stay in denial and keep drinking.

His doctor and his family should be notified but I can assure your friend will be angry. Tell him that you're doing everything possible to help him, but by keeping his alcoholism should not be a 'secret' does not benefit him in any way.

His physician's and the people who care about him are entitled to know what's going on. This will add additional pressure to stop drinking, because now he has nothing to hide.

Bev

binge drinks heavily every weekend He admits he has a problem but isn’t sure he wants to quit, because it relaxes him. He also had a very serious bullying problem when he was younger.

Last weekend he drank so much he came home full of rage, broke windows and beat a man badly. I was shocked! He’s very aggressive towards his friends as well as others.

He will see his doctor in a month and that is a long time to wait. He wants to be without alcohol and I think he will do it temporarily, until he forgets that horrible weekend. What can I do and what he should do?

Shevon

A

The manufacturer of Zoloft does not recommend drinking while on the medication. Zoloft and alcohol act upon similar chemicals in the brain, which means that Zoloft could intensify the effects of the alcohol. “If a person chooses to drink alcohol while taking this medication, he or she should only consume light to moderate amounts of alcohol. If you do drink alcohol, do not drink alcoholic beverages at the same time you take your dose of Zoloft."

I suggest that you go with your son to his doctor's appointment. He may not be telling the doctor the full extent of his drinking and you should have this on record. In the mean time, suggest that he goes to AA get a sponsor and work the 12 steps

Bev

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Next Month

Does the past creep into your thoughts? The topic for June: How to let go of the past.

Return from Signs of Stress to Stop Being Addicted

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