Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.~Harriet Braiker
Not a perfect ten? Don’t beat yourself up, because finding perfection is impossible. Humans are not perfect but we’re never satisfied. We all have things that we would like to change about ourselves. However, in the quest for perfection we get blindsided by our faults and we can get wrapped up in them and even become obsessed. If you’re not a perfect ten, you can be so stressed about it that you’re unable to learn the lessons that our experiences provide.
We need to make mistakes so we can grow and learn, and we have to get out of our comfort zone to do it.
The topic of this months newsletter: Perfectionism – You can’t be a perfect ten, so Stop beating yourself up now!!
In order to evolve, we must understand that everyone’s idea of perfection is not the same. Ex. if your goal is to
all of us have a different perception of what ideal weight is --similarly with all of our judgments. It is up to us to determine what this concept, keeping the improvement that you’d like in mind.
Perfectionist expectations are particularly familiar if you’ve struggled to kick any addiction – one drink, one piece of cake, can lead to a relapse. Perfectionists have 'all or nothing thinking'. Here are some tips to change.
1) Accept that you are only human Despite our most humble efforts, we occasionally fall short of meeting our goals. If you don’t think that you’re a perfect ten, you tend to be harder on yourself than anyone. This is particularly true of
children of alcoholic families
2) See the silver lining in certain situations, it is impossible to see the value of the experience. Every negative experience also has a positive. If you want success, you have to stop beating yourself up.
3) Surround yourself with supportive people The road to self-discovery can be difficult. Recruit your most positive friends and family members to rally behind you while you go through the process of accepting your imperfections. Positive people provide you the motivation that you need to remain strong and stop chastising yourself.
4) Change is an ongoing process It takes 30 days for something to become a habit. That’s why it’s important to remember that change isn’t going to happen overnight.
5) Be patient with yourself and remember that “happiness is a journey not a destination.”
6) Model the positive thoughts and behaviors of people that you admire Reading a book or listening to an inspirational podcast can help you accept your faults in a productive way. Let the individuals behind this material to become your role models. Read their stories and remember that they are just like you. They also have their shortcomings.
Understanding why we feel we must be perfect
codependent for example)
can help you appreciate certain situations more. Although, it won’t be easy to turn off the part of your brain that wants to criticize the way you do things, it is necessary if you want to let go the idea that you ‘should’ be a perfect ten. Ultimately you’ll become a much happier person.
What would you would advise, if a wife is clearly
and the husband is a social drinker who drinks at home? The husband clearly wants his wife to give up drinking because of the damage it’s causing to her body, as well as their relationship.
If the wife is an alcoholic but is in denial of her addiction, it isn't helpful if the husband drinks at home. When an alcoholic is in denial, he/she believes that their problem is 'not that bad,' and when the husband drinks (drunk or not) it confirms their twisted thinking that 'he drinks so why can't I'.
To break denial, there should be no alcohol in the house. This doesn't mean that the wife won't go out and get it. It just makes it harder for her, and her need to drink becomes more apparent.
Another way to pressure her, is
not enable her
The alcoholic has to suffer the consequences of their behavior. This will lead to arguments and
but the partner must stand firm, demanding that the other stop drinking and get help.
Couple counseling can also be suggested and drinking would be discussed because it’s damaging the relationship. Failing all this, Al-Anon can help partners and family members of alcoholic/addicts learn to deal with living with an alcoholic, as well as provide support in the difficult times.
Video on Teen Alcoholism
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