Alcohol Rehab & More Insanity

by Anonymous

My son-in-law (a physician!) returned from 3 months in rehab for addiction (wine) 2 months ago. We had high hopes that the whole situation would be improved.

Immediately it was evident that he added a new addiction. Cigars. My daughter hates it, their kids hate it. He also grew a beard in rehab and looks unkempt all the time.

The cigars have caused a huge divide in the family once again. He secretly spent $10K on cigars in 6 weeks! He smokes every chance he gets. Thankfully, he does not smoke in the house but his clothes smell, his beard smells, his car smells.

He and the counselor tells my daughter that she should be patient...the cigars are helping him to remain sober. He obviously cares more about cigar time than family time.

Many times I think she is at the end of her rope, and she gets no support. She went to Al-anon a few times but hasn't bonded with it at all.

There is constant stress in the family (3 teen girls). I think the only thing that is holding them together are finances. Neither adults are good with money, they have lots of debt and stupid purchases plus a decreased in income because of his alcoholism.

She is afraid he will go off the deep end if she makes him leave and will be unable to work. She has a Masters degree but has not worked in 15 years. I guess I'm looking for a magic bullet even though I know one does not exist.

Rehab did not help with the addictive personality. As far as the 12 step program.... he hasn't gotten past step 3. He goes to AA meetings only because he is required to.

Do you think there is any hope or should she just cut the cord and see what happens?? I worry about the effect this is having on the girls.


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I agree with his counselor. Right now it’s too soon to do anything about his cigar smoking, however, your daughter and the kids have all been through the mill.

Your son-in-law has to take care of his sobriety any way he can, because this is the first step to getting his life back on track. But your daughter also needs help. Al-anon and support groups are not for everyone. Your daughter would most likely benefit from working with a private counselor who is trained in addictions.

It’s too premature to cut the cord at this time, however, your daughter may decide to do so eventually. But right now, she has to get the strength she needs to handle emotional upheaval.

I hope she gets the help she needs.

Bev