Codependency means you need help in love

Codependency means that you give yourself, regardless of your needs. You even tell yourself that 'I hate that I love you'. You're a love addict. You can't stop and it’s an addiction.

The characteristics of codependency can be found in couples, in women as well as in men. The word was once only used for those in relationships with substance abusers, but not any more.

Over the years the label includes a dysfunctional style of living and coping strategies that were developed in childhood.

There are spoken and unspoken rules in all families. But when the rules include: 'feelings should be kept to oneself', 'be strong, be good, be the best', 'make us proud of you', 'do as I say, not as I do', 'don't talk about your problems', 'keep your feelings to yourself', 'don't make waves'. This is incorporated into our style of living, and our beliefs.

In general, if you are indirect when communicating with others, if you're not assertive when it's appropriate, if you don't seem to have as much fun and you're unfilled in your relationships, you may have a problem. And the problem often leads to abuse.

Before you get help -- some questions to ask a professional.

Some codependent characteristics:

Care-taking

Feeling responsible for other people’s feelings, thoughts, actions, choices well-being, lack of well-being, ultimate destiny.

Feeling anxiety, pity, guilt when others have a problem.

Saying yes, when you mean no.

Over commit yourself to others.

Feeling angry, victimized, unappreciated, used.

Low Self Worth

Blame yourself for everything.

Reject compliments and praise.

Afraid of making mistakes.

Feeling different from the rest of the world.

Obsession

Worry about the silliest things.

Lose sleep over problems or other people's behavior.

Focus all your energy on other people and problems.

Denial

Staying busy so you don’t have to think.

Getting depressed or sick.

Spending money compulsively, or over work or over eat.

Believe lies or lie to yourself.

Sex

Have sex when you'd rather be held, nurtured and loved.

Try to have sex when you're angry or hurt.

Have strong sexual fantasies about others.

Consider or have extra-marital affairs.

These are a few of the signs and symptoms of this behavior, but there are many more -and abusive relationships are frequent. Because they are compliant, codependents are vulnerable to getting into emotional affair

You're giving too much love and you can't stop. You're a love addict and you need help.

Many have recovered and found relief, peace and happiness in their lives. There are many pages on this site that can help. Everyone wants a healthy relationship

You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try. –Beverly Sills

If you're codependent and want to get out, but can't, Here are some tips as well as more relationship advice if you're codependent
Counseling for codependency can help. But there, also coaching with is very effective. Coaching is not therapy. Here, you and your coach work together to get you what you want. Similar to sports, you aim for the goal. More info on coaching

Still not sure? You can always ask me

Is it sex addiction or a relationship addiction?

Have you read Melody Beattie's books on Codependency, they're in my Amazon pics

Get monthly self-help tips in the free E-zine Powerful Living

Source:Melody Beattie, 1992