Fiancee Ended It While In Rehab

by Eric
(U.S.A.)

Hello,

I am completely heart broken and hope you can give me some answers. I have been with my fiancee for almost 4 yrs. We have a 2yr old and 4yr old. The oldest is from my ex's prior relationship but I have raised her since she was a baby and knows me as her only dad.

My ex and I got together both using opiates and both got treatment for that together. She recently got addicted to Xanax and decided to go to rehab for her addiction. The first week she was there, she mentioned thinking about going to an Oxford house for a few months after.

Like an idiot, instead of being understanding I got upset and started a fight. I guess it was because I already missed her and didn’t want her gone even longer but I knew it was what she needed. After that call she became very distant. A few days later we spoke and she said it was all too stressful and she couldn't do the relationship anymore. I tried to reason with her but she said basically to move on with my life. Is this really going to be the end between us? The day she left she told me how she couldn't wait to get her life together and make me happy and now we don't even speak.

I am so lost. Can you please help me? I'm worried she is going to find another man in the program and be gone for good because she is upset about the way I talked to her.

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When you are in recovery they teach you that you have to focus on your recovery before any relationship. In AA language ~ take care of number one. If you don’t work on yourself you will go right back to the addiction and you’ll lose her for sure.

I advise you to go to meetings, speak to a sponsor or get a counselor to help you through this. One thing for certain, you can’t convince her to change her decision by pressure. She has to do this voluntarily. You must stay sober, and so does she. Eventually the two of you may get back together, but it’s too premature right now. You must work on yourself.

All the best,

Bev