Help for Partner's Sexual Addiction

by Anonymous

About a year ago I discovered that my long-time boyfriend had been sleeping with innumerable different women. He promised, swore, that "we would work it out and be happy together."

I have seen a counselor, but he hasn't. He hasn't done anything actually. I've been suffering for the past year and it's not getting better.

I am a student and we share a home together. He supports me, so I have to finish school before I can ask him to move out, but I am so depressed and confused. Some days I can't even get out of the house.

His professions of love, as well as the counselor telling me it's not personal doesn’t help. I feel lied to, and cheated.

1) How can I look at his cheating, so I can believe it's not personal?

2) How do I find the motivation to move forward in school and make a life without him?

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A sex addict has multiple contacts, feels empty inside and when they’re in a committed relationship, they usually feel guilty, and when they're confronted they try to stop it or get help.

It seems that this is not the case with your boyfriend. Your boyfriend has had multiple contacts, but this does not make him a sex addict. It makes him a cheater.

He professes his love, but continues to cheat. So as long as you put up with it, he has the best of both worlds. No matter what you do or say, you can not stop your boyfriend from cheating. He ‘s the only one who can do that.

To answer your questions:

Your boyfriend can love you and sleep with other women, so in that sense it’s 'not personal', but you want a committed relationship. If he continues this behavior this relationship won’t work. Couple counseling may help both of you sort things out.

Work with your counselor about focusing on yourself – rather than putting so much energy into his infidelity. Your goal must be to finish school and get on with making a life for yourself, with him or without him.

If things don’t change, you may be able to get a roommate and you also may be eligible for loans or bursaries to help you finish school. Find out what’s available.

You’re not only losing self-esteem, but the relationship is pushing you into depression.

You mustn’t allow his behavior to destroy you.

Bev