How To Break Up A Codependent Relationship

How to break up is not easy when you are a codependent. Breaking codependency means developing self worth. This is not as simple as it may seem.

When you are a ‘people pleaser’ and with another who is dependent on you giving in and pleasing them – it’s not an equal relationship. One person keeps giving and the other keeps taking. The person who keeps on giving feels resentment, but won’t say anything. It comes out eventually in anger. This is not a healthy relationship. Although each of them know that this relationship is unhealthy, they fear breaking up. The ‘pleaser’ believes that he/she won’t be needed, and the other person believes that he/she won’t ever find another person like this (no one will be so kind, love them like they do, put up with them etc.). You get the picture.

How To Break Up

The first step to breaking codependency is to understand that you’re not in a healthy relationship. It's abusive As much as they hate it, codependents are bound to each other. They’re stuck in their dysfunction. They keep hurting each other, and may threaten to break up, they may even do it, but breaking up never lasts. Then there’s a ‘honeymoon’ and then the cycle continues.

Recovery from Codependency

Take care of yourself

The pleaser has put so much energy into the other person that he/she loses self worth, or they may never have had any in the first place. You must develop your own interests and activities.


Saying ‘No’ establishes boundaries. ‘No’ works for both people in the couple. Go with your intuition – it’s not about being nice or not nice – just say ‘no’ when you want to. Change you decision to ‘yes’ when you meant ‘no’ builds anger.


Say what you mean. It’s not necessary to say that you ‘should’. When you’re not honest with yourself, you’ll resent it. When you carry resentment, it will come out in anger or negative behavior.


You have to take risk to make changes, but if you don’t risk making change, nothing will change. Codependency counseling can help. Surround yourself with positive people. Positivity is infectious. You need to feel good about yourself. Stop focusing on how to break up. You may need help Get support from positive people. Get a coach to help you set your boundaries and feel more confident to move on.
'Codependent No More' by Melodie Beatie is a must read for a codependent. Check it out on Amazon
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