Living With Addiction
My step-son has been in and out of trouble for most of his life.
He has been in jail, rehab, gone through a divorce, gotten a DUI and lost custody of his children. He practically died recently from drinking and spent 2 weeks in the hospital's Intensive Care Unit.
The problem...nothing has changed.
My husband and I are ripped to shreds and we don't know what to do. We've tried everything, but we're afraid of cutting ties completely, because it may mean that it would be the last time we we ever speak to him again.
Where do we go from here?
Your son is controlling your lives with his dysfunction and you have to stand up to him. Only an alcoholic/addict can change their behavior and right now, I don't think your son is committed to doing it.
Does he work? Is he functioning? If he lives with you, find him a room and demand that he moves in.
Tell him that both you and your husband love him very much, but you can't stand watching him kill himself.
Demand that he goes to AA or gets addiction counseling. He may choose not to, but if that's the case, you can tell him that you're there for him, but only if he gets the help he needs.
This is very hard for any parent to do, but it must be done, because you're enabling him to continue his behavior.
Both you and your husband need help to carry this out. I suggest that you get some addiction counseling or attend Al-anon meetings. You'll not only get support from the members, but there will be advice and information to get the strength and courage to do what's best for him.