Moderated Drinking

by P.M
(Alderpoint, USA)

My boyfriend just moved out after promising to go to rehab to salvage our relationship. I asked him to not drink before going but he went on a huge bender and I asked him to leave.

I’ve told him that abstinence is the only way that I’ll be with him, but for the past 2 years he has been begging me to let him try moderation.

He’s contacting me saying that I can have the relationship back if I "get on board" with his plan to moderate his drinking. I sent him a web page that claims that it is nearly impossible for true alcoholics to moderate, but he swears he can do it.

I would just like to know that I did the right thing. I feel like I lost my best friend to his addiction. Do you have any advice on how to cope with the pain and the hurt, as well as the urge to make contact him and get back together?


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Your boyfriend wants to keep both you and drinking in his life and he's trying to bargain with you to do it.

A chronic alcoholic cannot drink moderately, but not only must your boyfriend quit drinking, he also has to learn how to live a new sober life. He has to be committed.

Your boyfriend is also not admitting that his drinking is damaging to the relationship. He's giving you an ultimatum: get on board and let him drink moderately and he’ll come back. He’s a manipulator. The fact is that you told him to leave in the first place. Basically, he’s in denial and not ready to give up drinking.

You can’t have a loving relationship with an alcoholic, because his first love is the bottle. However, breaking up is always painful. Keep yourself busy. Don't answer his calls etc. Your pain will diminish with time.

Be assured that although it's painful, you did the right thing for yourself. You are entitled to a rewarding relationship with someone who considers your needs. Take this opportunity to move on.

Bev