The addiction is back. Was it ever truly gone?
I've been smoking Ice for 6 years now. It started as it always does-- just on weekends, then Monday morning, just to get to work and before I knew it, it was every day. I had an $800 per week habit, which was OK with a big wage, but then I was so into it.
I took days off work all the time and left my job and this is when the addiction got worse cause I couldn't pay for it anymore. I didn't pay my bills, owed everyone money and soon enough lost everything, including my family and friends.
In 2008 I moved away from the house and moved in with other uses and had 24/7 availability. Then I stopped -- no cut down a lot—I was happy in my new life and was able to go for 4 months without using. Sure, I replaced ice with other things --pills, drinking ---but at least I was off the sole destroyer.
Then I started working again, got a great job and the money started coming in -- and so back to the pipe I went. I thought I had it under control this time, but now I’m scared that I am just going around in circles and its going to start all over again.
I'm getting older now and really want to have a good healthy future. What do you think is the best help for me? I have tried counseling, changing groups, moving towns but still I can't help myself. How do I get out of this for good?
For those who are not aware, Ice is a term for: cocaine, crack, smokable menth, meth, MDMA and PCP – all
amphetamines, which are highly addictive. The way addiction happened to you is typical – you can control it in the beginning, but then the drug takes control of you and your life becomes out of control.
It is commendable that you stopped using Ice, however you were still ‘self medicating’ with pills, alcohol etc. You were still using drugs so, it would only be a matter of time before you’d go back on Ice, because once you had money, that drug is your ‘drug of choice’.
Counseling, changing groups, moving -- all this is helpful. However, it’s not so simple. There is an emotional component that goes along with drug use. Drugs mask many feelings and you need to develop new coping strategies.
In the AA model, you don’t simply go to meetings. You have to get a sponsor and work the steps. This is a life-long process, one day at a time. You may prefer CA meetings, but if they are not available in your area, AA can still help you.
If you go for the counseling or coaching option, you must find someone familiar with addiction. They also will tell you relapse prevention and coping strategies for cravings. Rehab is another alternative. In rehab, you’ll not only be drug free, but you’ll be learning to deal with other stresses in your life.
You gave it your best shot, however without coping strategies, it would be only a matter of time before it fell apart. It can be discouraging, but you must make a commitment to sobriety. This is not easy but I hope you do whatever it takes to stay on top of this addiction.
All the best to you