Why is there silence around alcoholism?

by JT
(Bucyrus, U.S.A)

I am a grown adult who lived with an alcoholic father for 18 years. I just have one question -- Why was there such silence in our home?

Our parents didn't talk to us, therefore we, as brother and sister, didn't talk to each other. We sat at the dinner table in silence.

To this day, I don't understand WHY! Is it that our parents didn't care enough to talk to us? We were great kids. Our mother did not drink. Why?


Silence is typical when there is an alcoholic/addict in the family.

Although eventually, everyone becomes aware of the problem, they share the 'secret'. Family members deny the gravity of the problem. Think about it. If your mom opened up to the problems in the family, she would have to do something about it. Mom chose to minimize the problem by not making waves.

Be assured that you kids were probably capable of handling it, but your mom chose to ‘spare’ you. They are in denial. To discuss dad's drinking, would mean that Mom would have to do something about it and she chose not to make waves.

For more information go to the pages about adult children of alcoholics (ACOA) on the site. You'll probably find other traits that apply to your family members as well. There are also 12-step programs for Children of Alcoholics that can be helpful to you.

All the best,


Click here to post comments

Return to Addiction Questions - Addiction Answers.

Share this page:

Would you prefer to share this page with others by linking to it?

  1. Click on the HTML link code below.
  2. Copy and paste it, adding a note of your own, into your blog, a Web page, forums, a blog comment, your Facebook account, or anywhere that someone would find this page valuable.

For powerful Self-help & PERSONAL GROWTH Tips

Click to Sign-In


For Recent articles


6 Bullet-proof Ways to Unmuddle Your Life

Key Reminders When You Say You're Not Good Enough!

Why Forgive ~ When you have every reason not to

Simple Steps to Rid Yourself of Toxic People


Bev Helped Me

Your humor, understanding & insight into my problems helped me beyond my wildest dreams
~ Luella J. NYC

I'm So Grateful

Now I can see how my dysfunctional family members won't change, but the way I handle them certainly has. So Grateful.
~ Steve W. Tokyo

Thank You

Thank you for being there, for guiding us in the right direction and helping us understand and renew a relationship with our daughter. No words can express our gratitude.
~ J.C San Antonio

What A Difference!

You have made a huge difference in my life. I can't thank you enough.
~J.B. Vancouver,B.C

I'm Speechless

I don't seem to find the words that would do justice to all that you have helped me deal with.
~P.L. Sydney, Au

Have a question? Here's where you ask.

Change your thinking and untangle your life!!

Test your dysfunctional thinking