Why is there silence around alcoholism?

by JT
(Bucyrus, U.S.A)

I am a grown adult who lived with an alcoholic father for 18 years. I just have one question -- Why was there such silence in our home?

Our parents didn't talk to us, therefore we, as brother and sister, didn't talk to each other. We sat at the dinner table in silence.

To this day, I don't understand WHY! Is it that our parents didn't care enough to talk to us? We were great kids. Our mother did not drink. Why?


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Silence is typical when there is an alcoholic/addict in the family.

Although eventually, everyone becomes aware of the problem, they share the 'secret'. Family members deny the gravity of the problem. Think about it. If your mom opened up to the problems in the family, she would have to do something about it. Mom chose to minimize the problem by not making waves.

Be assured that you kids were probably capable of handling it, but your mom chose to ‘spare’ you. They are in denial. To discuss dad's drinking, would mean that Mom would have to do something about it and she chose not to make waves.

For more information go to the pages about adult children of alcoholics (ACOA) on the site. You'll probably find other traits that apply to your family members as well. There are also 12-step programs for Children of Alcoholics that can be helpful to you.

All the best,

Bev