A Binge Eater - Please HELP!!

by Anonymous

Please help me. I am looking for tips on how to get back in control with my relationship with food, so I can enjoy my life again.

My eating habits used to be normal. However, I was sexually abused from a very young age and this has given me a lot of trauma to deal with. I used to cut myself for many years, and even compulsively pull my hair out.

Then came a period of time of peace where I did nothing destructive.

Now, I eat. I eat a lot. I eat in secret. I steal food. I "graze" throughout the day, picking off bits from everything to eat. I stuff myself with chocolate and pastries, even though I am gluten-intolerant. I make myself sooo sick by doing this. 2 weeks ago, I was eating to the point of extreme pain from so much volume (I cried a lot and had trouble standing up straight). While my binging has lessened from this point, I am sick and tired of grazing on foods around the house and being a slave to my false "passions" about food - my brain keeps saying, "You must have it - now!!!"

Every day I try to overcome this. Every day, I say that this day will be the first day of a normal, balanced eating pattern. It never happens.

After every disordered meal, I say to myself, "the next meal will be normal proportions" and it never happens.

I am still trying to pick myself up, and the damage to my body only makes me more depressed. I have managed to gain 10 pounds already, and I fear more will come.

What am I doing wrong?

I need help, please, I'm begging you