Codependency Insanity

by Lisa
(Wisconsin)

I have been attending Al-anon piecemeal to deal with the negative effects of wading willingly right back into a chaotic relationship with an alcohol-addict, but otherwise (geez, you probably never heard this before) wonderful man.

I met him just before I got my mom in to hospice care a year & a half ago. Last Christmas I had a dream about mom (just as I began somewhat successfully setting limits with Joe) I began taking better care of myself, & was grappling with the idea of ending things with him.

Mom had been an alcoholic ever since my teens. I backed off a bit when health issues arose for her when I became an adult. Joe & his family rapidly become just like my family of origin. The combination of her death, & my grief over losing---bit-by-bit---this otherwise perfect man -- the ridiculous hopes I had for a healthy life & future with the man I love – yet I keep getting fed up with him.

I was on the tails of my divorce & bankruptcy before my mom's demise and this had me reeling. He checks out even when he’s stone cold sober, & in the middle of plans he seemed to want, I allow myself to become devastated, then end things. Within 18-48 hr. I walk right back in and start up everything again. I end up showing him how fickle I can be -- not to mention unable to follow through & how I need to be validated by him.

Obviously we both seem to have such similar make-ups (just different addictions). Along with horrid abandonment issues thrown in, there is all-- encompassing love when things work. We just continue to perpetrate the sickness. Then throw in our depression, anxiety, & bipolar junk into the mix & it's outright crazy. Sometimes I think the only answer is a lobotomy (on my side anyway).

I think I need an inpatient treatment program for my codependency. I am burnt out on counseling. He ditched the outpatient AODA treatment after 2 sessions. Is there any hope for this crud? I know my story is just like zillion's others, but also am just not ready to call it quits...What do I do?