Codependent, Enabler & Want Things To Change

by Jenny
(Haslet, TX)

I've been in an unhealthy relationship for over 25 years. I'm 55 years old, married to a recovering alcoholic -- 2nd marriage for both of us.

My husband had a dictator for a dad. My dad was somewhat of a dictator, although to me was more of an absentee.

I KNOW I am codependent - now after reading this. And I'm starting a meeting next week. I guess I didn’t think I fit the "profile" until my hairdresser suggested it.

I am full of low self-esteem. I need approval and do everything I know to do to keep my husband from spiraling into his negative times. We barely last 3 months before he'll say or do something that starts down the same path and the whole unhealthy everything begins again.

He’s drinking, was arrested and spent the in jail. He spent thousands on an attorney to "clear his name". He spent a weekend at some type of alcohol drinking and driving course. Bad times. 10 years later - with no drinking, he starts up again and lied about it. The 10 years without drink were still unhealthy and filled with negativity - ups and downs - separated 3 times.

I know I enable and I want to change that. My relationship with God is very important to me. When I think I'm facing another separation, or a possible divorce this time, it truly makes me ill.

I want to change. I want my behavior to change. I want things different.

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Apr 05, 2012
There's Hope
by: Anonymous

You need to understand that nobody's perfect,--not even your husband!

Humans always find a way to bring problems into their own lives,. Whether he's your husband or not, he must have suffered as a child so he's created a problem for himself to forget the past, without even knowing it. That’s what people do if they can’t forget a tough childhood in the present. They create a long effective and destructive behavior to over shadow what’s really going on inside. Maybe you should sit him down, hold his hand and make him open up. Maybe there's something very difficult he's hidden all his life.

Stay calm with him, instead of yelling out to him to stop drinking, try saying "Honey I'm worried about you", Do whatever makes you happy & I'll still be here. Maybe he's doing this to see if you'll stay with him through thick and thin. That's what vows are all about!

Change you attitude towards him, accept him as he is, When he sees that, he'll surely change knowing his wife will always be by his side. And stop playing the victim.

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