Codependent, Enabler & Want Things To Change
I've been in an unhealthy relationship for over 25 years. I'm 55 years old, married to a recovering alcoholic -- 2nd marriage for both of us.
My husband had a dictator for a dad. My dad was somewhat of a dictator, although to me was more of an absentee.
I KNOW I am codependent - now after reading this. And I'm starting a meeting next week. I guess I didn’t think I fit the "profile" until my hairdresser suggested it.
I am full of low self-esteem. I need approval and do everything I know to do to keep my husband from spiraling into his negative times. We barely last 3 months before he'll say or do something that starts down the same path and the whole unhealthy everything begins again.
He’s drinking, was arrested and spent the in jail. He spent thousands on an attorney to "clear his name". He spent a weekend at some type of alcohol drinking and driving course. Bad times. 10 years later - with no drinking, he starts up again and lied about it. The 10 years without drink were still unhealthy and filled with negativity - ups and downs - separated 3 times.
I know I enable and I want to change that. My relationship with God is very important to me. When I think I'm facing another separation, or a possible divorce this time, it truly makes me ill.
I want to change. I want my behavior to change. I want things different.