Have I Developed a- C.O.D?

by BUBOULZ
(AUSTRALIA)

I'm a 33 year old female who might be suffering A CHRONIC OBSTRUCTIVE DISSORDER with cleaning. I live at home with mum and don’t have a job.

From the moment I open my eyes in the morning, I'm off to the kitchen to clean any mess mum's made. Then I clean the lounge room, vacuum, do the dusting etc., then the bathroom and the bedrooms... Everything has to be perfect.

I clean every room everyday, even when its already clean -- some rooms up to 5 times a day, like the kitchen. Mum is a bit messy, so I follow her around with a cloth and spray bottle in my hands to clean after her.

She is so sick of me standing over her, as she eats waiting for a small crumb to fall so I can clean it. I'm becoming verbally abusive towards her, saying "I wish you were dead so I wouldn’t have to clean after you everyday.” I hate myself for it, I feel so remorseful after. I don’t know what to do.

I hate cleaning, but that’s all my mind has narrowed down to, cleaning!!! Mum is too scared to cook or use the kitchen, because I keep yelling at her for something as little as a sugar grain on the bench-top. She cries and tells me that she feels like a prisoner in her own home.

I was never like this when I was working, in fact the opposite, Messy and careless. I cant control my actions anymore.