Internet/Porn Addiction

by Lu
(Canada)

I used to think internet addiction was a strange phenomenon...how could anyone be addicted to the net when they have all they need without it?

Ever since I started using the internet more often, though, that opinion has slipped away from my mind. I could no longer see the real world being that exciting at all, when I have my own virtual reality right here at home...on the internet!

I also enjoy writing poetry/short stories/fanfics/etc online --
1) because it's easier on my hands (my hand gets cramped up after about 10 minutes of writing/sketching), and
2) I can 'publish' it with just a click of the mouse!

I've been drawn to the computer ever since I was 12 years old. I'd find that whenever I went away from home for awhile, I'd check to see if there was a computer with internet access available there (it didn't matter where I was). My dad might have noticed, but if he did, he never said anything about it.

When I decided to move in with my mum, things were different. For one thing, my dad was/is also addicted to gaming/the net, whereas my mum is a very outdoorsy person. She noticed right away and set restrictions on her computer.
But it doesn't stop there.

My dad decided to get me a laptop for my 14th birthday. It's funny, because I was more excited about this present than any of the other ones...even the drum set I received (I had been asking for it all year long- I have a late birthday in November), which I didn't consider to be strange at the time. The reason my dad got it for me was because he knew that I loved to write, and he considered this to be reasonably adequate.

Time passes. I know our wifi password after trying out many weird combinations...and for some reason I found it that way.

I got all stoked because I can browse the net whenever I want, right? So I game, I go on YouTube, Facebook, anime sites, etc...and then I get this weird urge to check out porn.

I was just curious, really...and since I had all the time in the world with no restrictions, I search it up. It was fine for awhile. I watched some pretty bizarre stuff on some occasions, but most of it was average/harmless. Or so I thought.

I began to watch it on a regular basis, once every other day...it progressively became worse.
I never had sex before. I figured it was fine because I know that it's not reality, I have to be sexually safe in actuality, and all this does is get me off, right? Wrong.

Now that I think about it, porn just encouraged me to be more visually inclined to getting horny than with mere 'sexy' thoughts roaming around in my head. This means that it got harder for me to have an orgasm than it used to. Kind of like how it is for people who are addicted to drugs/alcohol/caffeine.

Not only did I become an internet addict, but a porn addict as well. I felt pretty bad about it, really. Right now I'm trying to stay away from the computer whenever I'm 'bored', but it's pretty hard. I usually take my laptop with me wherever I go. I wouldn't know how to tell it to my mum because she's REALLY against pornography/anything used for sexual purposes in general.

What makes it worse is that I'm a girl, and I'm not saying that girls aren't just as apt to these kinds of addictions as guys are, but it's different because if I were a guy my mum would be able to understand it more (as sad as that is...my mum is the kind of person that would say 'boys will be boys', which is extremely irritating)...Any tips!