Is There Anything Good About Me?

by Jordan Lafontaine
(Schenectady N.Y.)

What’s up!!

I’m an 18 yr old collage student. I dropped out of high school two years ago and feel like my family looks down on me for it. But on top of that, I got into drugs. That was the main reason I dropped out.

My drug of choice –well, choices are E and coke. I was a pill fiend for 2 years, and dropping hits of acid in between. I feel like drugs have a hold of my life. Any income I have goes to the next fix.

I stopped popping E because it was becoming a real problem. I sold my personal things, like a crack-head, for my next pill. I started just popping one or two at a time then 3 or 4 then 6 or 8 then I was doing 13 -- on average 4 out of the 7 days a week. I blew a 10,000 dollars bond stole from my mom and grandparents. I regret every moment of it, but no matter how much I say I’m done with drugs, I always seem to find them, or they find me.

I have a weak mind, but I’m trying to work on it. I hate how I wake up not happy -- till I take a bong hit, then think about how I can get fucked up on that day. Acid really did a toll on me. I have a totally different outlook on life and my anxiety is off the wall. I get deep into thoughts and feel like a little boy.

I used to be an athlete. I was good too -- always first string, All Star team -- first pick. I feel like I had so much going for me and I just screwed it all up. Now I’m just a junkie, who relies on his next fix to feel happy. Being an attic hurts. it takes a toll on me emotionally and physically.

I never thought I’d do a line of blow, but did and of course loved it, but don’t feel for it like
I do on a comedown of rolling. I stopped pills because people noticed the way I was acting . I lost 20 pounds and was just running on E for 2 years -- a drug binge with no stopping me. Now, I know people out there have real problems and I’m just some kid doing some drugs, but I don’t feel like I’m me anymore.

I don’t know what to do or who to talk to. That’s why I’m just spilling myself on this and probably nobody will read it. But if anyone does and has any suggestions for me that would be awesome.

I know that you can’t change unless you want to, but I only feel happy when I’m high. I remember feeling happy when I was in center-field playing ball. I don’t know, I really just hope the day comes that I just say no. I need self control, but really don’t know how to have any. I like the high. I like not feeling my body and not giving a fuck about anybody, but that’s no way to live. I don’t want to die young. I’m scared for my life sometimes. Because when I do something, I do it 110% .

When I drink -- every time I drink, I drink myself to oblivion and blackout, waking up not knowing how I got in my bed. When I do coke I do a gram to the head. At least I mean I’m no Charlie Sheen but its still not needed .

When I trip I go hard, usually 5 tabs by the time -- most I’ve ever done was 15. That does a toll on your brain no doubt. Here and there I pop a Xanax. My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her bipolar pills just to get high. I stole her my grandmas Promethxine with Robatussin and she need that shit for her cough. It got worse and she got sick. It was because of me being a fiend. I don’t know what to do. I feel nuts.

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Apr 04, 2012
Hey Jordy
by: Anonymous

Well for starters I can see you're a very intelligent young man... Your family can't afford another day with you on the streets taking drugs.

Time is ticking fast for you young brother. Soon no medication can cure you from the ever lasting effects that's damaged your brain cells. WHY the hell did you accept drugs in the first place?

May God cripple every drug dealer on earth... Please get professional help or you won't see your 21st birthday...


Oct 28, 2011
Rehab or Death Wish
by: lori

Oh man Jordan, it is good you want to change your life and this could be the start, but wanting change does not bring change. It is the first step.

You are going to have to call on professional people with the tools and knowledge to correct all the damage you have done. You must know you will not live if you don't commit to rehab.

You probably have no value or self worth left because drugs and addiction rob you of that and it is not that you are too weak to change yourself, it is that addiction is to strong. Chemicals have distorted your ability to think and feel. The happy feeling you reach for is false.

Please know, it is possible to regain yourself. It is possible to feel good about yourself and it it is possible to live life and be happy. It is so worth it. Don't waste it! Life is good. Get your shit together and stop taking it for granted.

Apr 09, 2011
Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself
by: James

You're a drug addict. You can't just stop with self-control. You're killing yourself. You need to go to a rehab. I've been there so I know what I'm talking about. It's not easy, even after rehab. It's a fight in the beginning but it gets better. I've been sober over a year.

Get help!!

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