My Life Is Hell
I am drowning!
My husband drinks at least 24 beers each night. He gets up every morning, as he has for the past 20 years and goes to work. Somehow he’s managed to work his way up the ladder to supervisor - and misses very few days of work.
He lost his drivers license several years ago because of a DUI. He doesn't want to go to the "evaluation" that the court requires to get his license back, but he still drives to and from work. And he drives an extra mile on back roads, to get to the liquor store. Then he comes home and sits down at 6:00 PM and drinks.
When he’s drunk, he becomes very argumentative and condemning. I tense up at the thought of going to bed because I know he will wake me up, either to yell at me about something or to have sex. If I say no to the sex I know it will be hell and I won't be able even to go back to sleep.
The next day if I tried to even discuss his behavior with him, he tells me I'm crazy and over reacting. He says I don't make him a priority. I have a 10 yr. old son and a 6yr. old daughter from my 1st marriage and oddly enough I left because my ex was an alcoholic too.
I have moved out twice, and came back because he promises to cut down, but within a few days he’s back to the same thing. Nothing changes. Now he tells me that he’s cut back again, but he's really pissed at me. I know that it won’t be long till he’s back to a case or more of beer a night.
I hate myself for staying. It’s bad for the kids as well as myself, but I’m afraid that if I leave, he’ll fall apart completely. I feel so trapped and confused and I’m so disappointed with my life. I have no life. I am 45 years old and I have never felt so powerless. I’ve never felt so sad and alone. I am soooooo very miserable.....