My Life Is Hell

by Anonymous
(Michigan)

I am drowning!


My husband drinks at least 24 beers each night. He gets up every morning, as he has for the past 20 years and goes to work. Somehow he’s managed to work his way up the ladder to supervisor - and misses very few days of work.

He lost his drivers license several years ago because of a DUI. He doesn't want to go to the "evaluation" that the court requires to get his license back, but he still drives to and from work. And he drives an extra mile on back roads, to get to the liquor store. Then he comes home and sits down at 6:00 PM and drinks.

When he’s drunk, he becomes very argumentative and condemning. I tense up at the thought of going to bed because I know he will wake me up, either to yell at me about something or to have sex. If I say no to the sex I know it will be hell and I won't be able even to go back to sleep.

The next day if I tried to even discuss his behavior with him, he tells me I'm crazy and over reacting. He says I don't make him a priority. I have a 10 yr. old son and a 6yr. old daughter from my 1st marriage and oddly enough I left because my ex was an alcoholic too.

I have moved out twice, and came back because he promises to cut down, but within a few days he’s back to the same thing. Nothing changes. Now he tells me that he’s cut back again, but he's really pissed at me. I know that it won’t be long till he’s back to a case or more of beer a night.

I hate myself for staying. It’s bad for the kids as well as myself, but I’m afraid that if I leave, he’ll fall apart completely. I feel so trapped and confused and I’m so disappointed with my life. I have no life. I am 45 years old and I have never felt so powerless. I’ve never felt so sad and alone. I am soooooo very miserable.....

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Oct 18, 2010
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I Understand Both Sides of Hell
by: Anonymous

Your story hit me because I can see both sides of your plight. I myself am a binge alcoholic. When something triggers me, I drink heavily for 1 day and then feel like shit for 3. I have never drank 24 beers in a day, but easily 10-12. My binges have affected my life in many negative ways because I make poor choices when I am drunk.

Now, like you, I live with a "functioning alcoholic" (25 years now) who does drink every day. He gets up and goes to work and like your husband has missed very few work days. So, he feels he has no problem. However, I find empty 12-18-30 pack cartons hidden all over my basement, garage and land. He doesn't get angry when he drinks, just tired and ready for bed. I don't know when he is drunk because I think there is a constant amount of alcohol in him at all times. So, he doesn't have the highs and lows that I do as a binge drinker.

I have asked him to stop, but he refuses. I have admitted my problem and have been trying to get healthy for awhile now. But, it is hard to live as an alcoholic with an alcoholic that won't quite drinking.

Just know that the drinking is a symptom of something much bigger. He doesn't want to look at his problems so he is numbing out. I know that when I am in therapy, my drinking is easier to control. If he won't consider therapy, I would take my kids and leave. The aftermath of an alcoholic in a child's world lasts a lifetime for them even if you think they are well adjusted and OK. You are the parent and your husband is a grown man. Your kids can't make these decisions yet, but he can chose to change and get help.

Good luck.

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