My Relationship Hell

by Anonymous

I've been in a "relationship" with a man for seven years now and it's brought me down to a level I never thought I'd accept.


He's got such a hold over me that every time I try to break things off, he comes back and gives me the whole "I can't be without you" bit and I wind up right back where I left off ---but feeling even lower than before. I'm so angry with myself. I feel so lost and that I don't even know who I am anymore. I've wasted the prime years of my life on him. (I so wanted to be a mother and now the time has likely passed.)

I have allowed him to string me along with the hopes of marriage for all these years...and over that time, I've managed to convert to another religion, lose/alienate several long-time close friends, accept lie after lie from him (being engaged to someone else in another country, being twice-divorced and parent to a child out-of-state), get blown off constantly by him, so that he can hang out with his friends, get emotionally attacked every time I try to stand up for myself and so much more. Uggh.

It makes me sick to think of all the crap I've allowed in this relationship. He's compartmentalized his life and now I've gotten to doing the same thing by association. It makes me feel so messed up! I keep things from my friends and family because I know he'll freak out if he finds out and because I'm so ashamed of the mess I've gotten myself into.

I almost feel like I'm leading multiple lives, because the picture I paint is based on whatever situation I'm in and who I'm with. It's all based on what he finds acceptable.

I'm an educated, very attractive (or so people tell me), grounded (up until I met him) individual who never would stand for keeping someone like this in my life, but I find myself unable to leave permanently.

Basically, I have no support system left around me - two friends left where I live and my family lives 2,000 miles away. I feel trapped and alone and pathetic. I often fantasize about ending it all because the pain, confusion and despair is overwhelming and I don't see another way out. I wish I had someone to talk to that has been down a similar path as me and come out healed and healthy.

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Mar 23, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		PG 3
by: xoxo


This month I was in the hospital. He didn’t take care of our son, his mom did -- partied it up, destroyed the suit I had worked so hard to set up to get ready for the baby to come home to. He did not come to see me that much when I was recovering from what was a potentially a life threatening condition and he was having a good old time hanging out with my friend, meeting or cheating with a girl he met online, fighting and being disrespectful to my parents.

Everything bad that could have happened did happen. So the 6yr relationship that I was committed to and wanted so bad ended so fast -- only 2 months of a new born baby. He found some girl online and well just chose her over the family.

He promised he would change our lives for the best! Ha well I’m not too sure if that it actually true or not yet though... the story is more like a book really, and you’d think it couldn’t get worse -- well it sure does.

I guess the hole point to me sharing my story with you is that I’m reassuring you that I do know what you are going through, and it is crazy, and in the end, damaging. But at least you may have not brought some innocent child into the world yet! We made the choice to stay and put up with the verbal, emotional, physical abuse but children are too innocent until they just become a product of their
Environment -- which ultimately leads to the vicious circle and possibly the reason, or one of the many reasons, why people suffer from co-dependency issues.

I am also just discovering this now, after 9 yrs, a baby, and a damaged heart.
Mar 23, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		pg2
by: x


I probably don’t need to go on much more.

He fooled me big time! He was doing so good the majority of my pregnancy. He had a real job was not slanging dope, wasn’t going out. We would go to the movies, hang out with family, stay in and eat pizza and chill with a movie. It was finally just normality! I was stoked! But I guess, after all the promises and it was too late to turn back.

He decided he can’t just live the normal clean crime free life :( slowly but surely he was back in his old scene, that he had promised me he was done with. Ha!! what do you know. I was 9 months pregnant and he was just rolling right back to where he was before he went to jail, but this time, just in a different city.

I’m sure we all kind of get what the ending is not going to be a fairy tale ending!!! To brief it up quickly, I’ll just say that after being with someone for 5 yrs and giving up so much for years & then carrying a child inside your belly, and getting fat and bitchy for him to just watch me get really sick, because my c-section had been infected from the hospital.

This caused me not to be able to touch or even see my new born boy for the 1st month of his life.
Mar 23, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		wow...
by: xoxo

It is so messed up how we let ourselves become like this for another person. I was in a relationship that is oh so familiar to me :(

I was with someone who I think I can honestly say I fell in love with him the minute I saw him. He was so sexy, all tatted up, straight up badass. Why do good girls like bad boys?

I just would like to give a little reassurance or maybe a free tip from my personal experience... I was riding the rollercoaster of heart-ache, only after being with this person for 6 yrs and being the best most loyal girlfriend --being there when he needed me to take care of him. He was paying for our whole life together, but only because he made it like that.

The early years of our relation began when I was 20. I had a car and a job and tons of friends, always going out having a care free, no worries in the world kind of life. But it didn’t take very long after we were together for me to be unemployed and carless.

I was completely blinded by love. I didn’t listen to what anyone said or thought because frankly I didn’t care. I was his yo-yo. He spun me which ever way he wanted. Up to that point in my life I never ever let anyone ever treat me with such disrespect --the only person I think till this day, that has ever had so much of my heart and love, even though he was the shittiest bf.

I was the "house wife" -- always did everything he asked. He said "jump!" and stupid me catering to all his requests. I guess I should have just said "how high?" I took care of him when he was sick, cooked, cleaned, rubbed his back when it was hurting, rubbed his feet, even ran his baths for him! But guess what I got right after staying by his side for 2 years, while he served time, because of his stupid lifestyle choices.

YUP I was also in some sort of sick lockdown?!? But I had a choice to leave, I just never did. I stood by his side and even though my head was telling me no, no, no, I continued following what I think was how my heart was being tricked to feel because of the manipulative games and bs. lies that he would tell me. And I would fall for them.

Now, not being with him for almost 4 yrs it actually kills me to think how long I was with this person and how crazy in love I was, but it was only me in the relationship who was being true and ultimately in it for the long haul. He was just playing the games, not really thinking about what pain he causes others and just lived his life so selfishly.

Mar 15, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		In the Same Boat!
by: Anonymous

I don't know how long ago you posted this, as your story is not dated...

I want you to know that I am in a very similar situation. Some of the details are different, but so much of it is alike, it’s remarkable.

I have been in an interfaith relationship for 6 years. I had pressure from him to convert to his religion. When I didn’t, he almost left me, but ended up coming back, pulling the same “Can’t live without you” bit. He lies. He has cheated. Always comes back, I always forgive him.

As a result of this relationship, I have lost friends, the support of family and my self-respect. He constantly belittles me for having no self-esteem, yet it’s the relationship that has me feeling worthless. I always end up bending my morals or standards with him. He somehow gets me into a position where I hate him, but am afraid to be without him.

I don’t believe we will ever get married and have a family, even though HE says those are our plans. I’m almost 30. I think it may be over now…and part of me feels crushed, part of me relieved. You CAN get away. This is called co-dependency. Get some psychological help for this, or find resources through codependency support groups. I’m finding resources now, as I write this.

Best of luck to you.

-S.

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