Porn Addiction

by Celia
(Malaysia)

I am so very tired of all this mental and emotional torture that I
put myself through day in and day out. As far as my husband goes, he has and did and still does, kiss the floor I walk on. But my brain doesn’t let go the thoughts of him doing sex talk with another woman on-line, and also watching porn.

He tells me he’s only talking, but how do I know?

I want to forgive him but how can I? I don’t care if he says he has an addiction. I caught him many times and he says he’s embarrassed and won’t do it again. As far as I’m concerned a porn addict has also cheated his partner in life.

I think he’s doing disgusting things and he turns me off.

But he takes full responsibility for doing what he does, and he says he can’t stop. He says he has problems and doing it relieves his stress. He has repeatedly asked for forgiveness, but he keeps at it, night after night –and maybe during the day too.

He’s a caring and loving father and husband, but I’m so upset I can’t stay asleep. When I get up in the night and catch him at it, he always asks for forgiveness.

He’s on the chats as well as the porn, but he says it’s his thing and he’s loyal because he’s not really sleeping with these women – Am I the crazy one???

I should add here that he’s being very patient with me, because I’m upset with him all the time. He keeps telling me that many married men do it and their wives don’t care. But, I get crazy thinking of what he’s saying and doing with these women.

I am so confused. Is he still worthy of having true love? Should I leave him? Do all men do this? When I found him at it last night, I swore to myself that I’d leave, but he’s a good man otherwise so I stay.

I’m hurt that he chooses doing what he does with these women, rather than coming to me – This is the first time I told the whole story to anyone -- and as I'm writing it helps me by, airing all this out.