Something's wrong!! What is it?

by Jerry
(San diego)

I have slowed down on the intake of most substances, but I have been living a life of addiction.

I have been playing video games since I was young. After World of War Craft was released I have been wrapped up in that. I’ve taken breaks from practically everything, but then a new addictive substance or habit forms in its place.

It started with video games but I was just a kid and nothing really seemed wrong with it. even though I "have" to play it everyday. Masturbation has also been an issue ranging from 1-3 times a day every day. Marijuana has been going on for about 3 years now and I had a little "run-in" with ecstasy -- 6 pills each time and did it 5 times within a month. I was smart enough to say stop because I felt this immense pull to it.

I have also became addicted to driving -- 30,000 miles in 1 year ranging from my hometown to about 2-3 other cities. Not only that but I have started to become fixated on certain people and that holds me in the world of drugs.

All of my friends have succumbed to the habit and it seems there is no escape from it. I go to church and get nothing from it. When I start getting closer to the Lord my problems get worse, because now I am protected by a divine being and can't be hurt -- or so my brain believes.

When I have full control over myself over one thing, and it switches to an entirely new addiction. I have become reclusive and barely go outside. I have stopped doing all homework and literally feel like its either smoke pot or kill myself.

How did I become like this? And how come, no matter how hard I try, I fall back into these habits, with no second thought until it’s done. I watch the show addiction and laugh, yet I am only laughing at myself.

But still I still see no problem to this.

I need something to get me out of this. I am terribly shy when it comes to talking to others. I’m afraid of not being accepted and just being tossed aside like so many people have done before.
What's wrong?