Waking up from Codependancy
A week ago I ordered my husband out of our home, after me going to my first Al-Anon meeting (there are no codependency meetings in my area).
I had had enough of the excessive drinking (20 plus daily), pot smoking (before he goes to work, at work, after work and during the night). And then there was the two night stand, which we had been in counseling for 18 months. He promised to give up pot and go to counseling. if I forgave him the cheating. And then I found out he had cheated before that too. And then I found out he lied about having cancer! To me, his kids, friends, mother, everyone.
He sounds crazy, right? Well I AM THE CRAZY ONE people! I paid for everything in our marriage (clothes, holidays, houses, night out food etc etc), believed his lies, put up with his angry withdrawn state when he didn't drink/drug, overlooked his online porn addiction. And I put his name on both houses I paid for!
So I now realize I am codependent, which is a real eye opener for an active, healthy, successful, confident, self made, attractive 40 something career woman, from a great family. I also have a good support network of friends and many outside interests.
If you are reading this and thinking that you do put up with things that make you uneasy, then get help now!
I wish I had woken up to my pathetic enabling behavior before I got to here, but I was blind to it. Being married to a handsome and publicly affectionate guy was soooo important to me. In my codependency sickness I pushed aside the growing unease at my husband's behaviors. I recommend Melodie Beatty's 'Codependent no more' and joining a Co-DA or Al Anon group.
Good luck everyone, reaching out helps us all.