A Codependent Relationship & Communication

In a codependent relationship there is unhealthy communication because good communication skills require assertiveness. You have to include your partner by listening to what the other person says, as well as empathizing with how they feel. Unlike a codependent relationship, you don’t feel threatened and you don’t have to give in and agree at all times. Sometimes you may compromise, however, in a healthy relationship you feel comfortable enough to express your opinions, as well as take responsibility for saying it.

Good communication requires:

Listening

Assertiveness

Saying how you feel (“I” messages)

Consideration and understanding

How we communicate is developed in childhood. If you were encouraged to say how you feel and express your likes and dislikes appropriately, this will carry into adulthood. However, if you’re a child of an alcoholic, or came from a dysfunctional family you’ve developed unhealthy tactics to survive.

You may lie or manipulate to get your needs met. You may become a ‘people pleaser’ hoping that if you’re ‘nice’ you will be rewarded, by getting what you want. You may have bursts of anger or shut down. These styles become automatic and are difficult to change, but through effective counseling you learn a new way of thinking which leads to new behavior and undoing the unhealthy thinking These are unhealthy manipulative behaviors:

Silent treatment

Passive-aggressive

Isolate

Acting Out

Anger/insults/aggression

Being “nice” and holding resentment

Being dismissive “who cares”

Being negative and depressed

Holding grudges

Unhealthy patterns of communication can damage any relationship and if you continue this behavior you can develop:

unhealthy relationships as well as codependent relationship

Distant relationships

Controlling abusive relationships

Basically, when you don’t have good communication you’re unhappy and this diminishes your self esteem and prevents healthy emotional growth.
If you have a question or need advice? Just ask. Your question will help others as well

If you feel that you have unhealthy ways of communicating or codependency issues

Not sure if you're codependent? Try these tests and it's very common that if you've come from or you're in a dysfunctional family you can easily find yourself enabling others, or in a codependent relationship.

You can get help with self-help groups, counseling and coaching -- which is available when it's convenient for you -- on the web, or by phone. Coaching is an effective way of accomplishing positive changes and you can try a free ½ hr. session to see if it’s for you.

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