Getting Over Relationships

<img src=”http://www.733306_13756917.jpg”align=”right”alt=”broken heart”>

Getting over relationships is painful, and much like the death of a partner and yo have to get over the grief and loss. You’re going through a grieving process.

When you're getting over a breakup, it’s a loss. It's the death of a relationship. Everyone goes through losses differently, however, there are stages of grief that all of us go through. Sometimes we get stuck in one stage and at other times we move on, and then go back to a previous stage. Grieving is hard, but eventually we can accept what has happened, without anger and pain. Only then, we can move on.

In her book On Death and Dying, Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, recognized and documented the stages of grieving.

They are:

1) Denial

2) Anger

3) Bargaining

4) Depression

5) Acceptance

1) Denial Stage

This is when you are in disbelief. You’re thinking that it can’t really be true, that your partner will change his/her mind, that eventually he/she will return and apologize. You hold on to these thoughts even when others tell you a different story.

2) Anger

This feeling comes in many forms. You may be upset that you were used, that you and others will also be hurt due to the breakup, that you’ve spent so much time and energy and money on this person. You’re mad at yourself, at others and at the entire situation.

3) Bargaining

At this stage, you begin making deals. “Please come back, and I’ll be different.” You pray and hope that your prayers are answered. You’ll do anything to get the person back.

4) Depression

You begin to see that there is nothing that’s going to change. You feel very sad and alone. You may not want to do anything, like going out with friends, or doing anything for fun. You feel that you’ll never be happy without the other person.

5) Acceptance

Finally you come to terms with the fact that the other person is not coming back. You ‘don’t forget’. You accept. What happened, happened. Acceptance is the feeling that allows you to move on. Getting over relationships, are usually painful, but they're particularly upsetting if you’re getting over relationships and you're a codependent.

Here are some tips on getting over a relationship if you're codependent

Melodie Beatie is the Guru of 'Codependency'. Her book 'Codependent No More' has become a classice read. I've listed it on the site The book can strengthen your resolve for getting over relationships and stopping the abuse

More information on codependency
Private counseling can help you move through the stages quicker, and gives you techniques to help you to move on faster and suffer less pain.

During the grieving process and for some time after:

Don’t make any major decisions – get involved in a romantic relationship, invest money, sell property, move, make legal decisions etc.

Take care of your spiritual, emotional, physical self.

Do positive things and stay in touch with positive people.

Breakups are hard enough, so don’t be hard on yourself. There’s no set time to come out of the grief process, but ending a relationship by acceptance, allows you to be grounded and move on.

A few session of counseling may be helpful.

Coaching is a hands-on approach to getting help. It's not therapy. Coaching or recovery coaching is similar to being on a 'team'. The coach gives you direction and gets you moving to achieve your goals. It's a direct, hands-on approach. You book what you need and set your objectives as you need them. You and the coach become a team. GO TEAM GO!! or if you have a personal question, Just ask.....

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(Source: On Death And Dying, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, Macmillan Publishing Co.)