Is Sex Addiction Your Secret?
Of all the addictions, a sex addictions is the most embarrassing to talk about. This is also an addiction that’s not taken seriously. But ask anyone with this problem, or a person in a committed relationship with a sex addict and they’ll tell you otherwise.
Similar to other addictions, there is distorted thinking, rationalizing, justify their behavior and blaming others. Addicts also deny the problem. They engage in various sexual activities and risk the consequences. And like every other addiction, it interferes with relationships, with work and with their social and spiritual lives.
Multiple or anonymous partners/ one night stands
Compulsive use of pornography
Phone or cybersex
Compulsive use of prostitutes
You'd think that these addicts get satisfaction from the sex act, but they don't. There is no emotional connection with their partners. This is strictly about sex and once the act is over, they're left with the feeling of guilt and shame.
Similar to the other addictions, the addict avoids his/her feelings and copes with stress by escaping into their activity. In this case, they spend time pursuing their fantasies and may also restrain and then binge on sex.
The addiction usually begins with masturbation and regardless of other activities they perform, masturbation usually remains. Masturbation addiction is the most common sexual addiction that I’ve seen.
Pornography, combined with masturbation usually goes together The fantasy creates an unreal world developed in adolescence. Addicts resort to these fantasies to meet their emotional and physical needs and seek this escape rather than relate with a real person.
In the later stages of the addiction, there is a preference for the fantasy with themselves or others, rather than a relationship with a partner or spouse.
Women, display the same behaviors as men: masturbation, pornography, cyber-sex, anonymous sex, affairs etc. Recently, I’ve noticed that the number of women addicts have increased. This may be due to a more openness about sex, or perhaps there is less of a stigma about getting professional help.
Recovery takes time and lots of hard work, especially in the beginning, but there are good results. With guidance the addict develops emotionally, sexually, spiritually. Like any other addiction, I’ve witnessed much stronger relationships with partners once the problem is addressed.
Partners of addicts have suffered. They feel lonely, have low self esteem, feel powerlessness, angry and guilty. The addict may be in denial, but the partners has to work things out for themselves.
If you have a question about
dealing with sexual addiction, just ask
Most sex addicts are in pain with this behavior and embarrassed about getting help. Don't let this stop you. Sex addiction, like any other obsessive/compulsive behavior can be helped. If you want to talk to me don’t be embarrassed, believe me,
I've heard it all - ask
Cyber sex is another addiction
Find a meeting at Sex Addiction Anonymous (SAA)
More info on sex addiction
Coaching and recovery coaching can be and effective way of getting help. Try a free 30 minute session to see if it's for you
Click here to find out more about it.
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