Codependence is familiar to many of us. It's when a person focuses on another person's problems and needs, so much, that they forget to take care of their own mental health. You can basically become codependent because of love for another person. In short, although they love the other person, these people start feeling that they cannot live without this person and allow themselves to be treated poorly in the relationship.
This behavior can be harmful. Each partner benefits from the others self-destructive behavior, so that they remain dependent on each other. For example: the spouse of an alcoholic benefits from alcoholism for many reasons. Ex. When a person becomes dysfunctional, they’re dependent on the ‘functional’ one. They get to like that role and want to keep it. So when the partner becomes sober, they can knowingly or unknowingly sabotage the alcoholics attempt to stop drinking.
Most people have mutual needs and depend on each other to meet those needs, so it's not always negative. The problem is when the
relationship retains self-destructive behavior.
We need to be connected to one another, but the wife may need to be wanted and for that it she may have to go along with her husband’s need to support his drinking. This self-destructive behavior is the major problem and it is necessary to overcome it.
Basic Characteristics of Codependence:
1) Putting others’ thoughts, feelings, and needs before your own.
2) An inability to say "no" when "no" is warranted.
3) Feeling that you are giving too much and your loving feelings are unappreciated.
4) There is a strong feeling that your partner will leave or abandon you. As a result, you are unable to leave or break the relationship even when there is severe abuse.
5) A tremendous feeling of insecurity in a relationship, even when there is not even the slightest reason to feel that the relationship may end.
6) A desperate and an all encompassing desire for your partner. In other words, totally dependent on the other person—so much so, that no matter how bad the relationship is, you can’t
7) These people are extremely sensitive to rejection. They’re sensitive to negativity and rejection.
8) Viewing a partner’s personal growth as a threat.
9) Intensity replaces intimacy. As a result, there is no emotional, physical, intellectual, or spiritual intimacy present in the relationship.
10) Partners are into drama and psychological games, although they signifying nothing. One becomes the giver and the other victim rather than giving unconditionally.
If you or your partner or someone in your family show any of the above traits, or you’re still not sure
here’s a test.
If you need some help and have a question
All of us at some point in our lives can have this behavior. It is only when the behavior becomes negative and self destructive that you need to get help help.
You don’t have to be miserable
help is available
even if your in a relationship where your
partner is cheating
here's how to let go
Relationships can change. You don't have to live with this ongoing problem, it’s solvable.
From Codependence to Stop Being Addicted