A Cheating Relationship Hurts
In a cheating relationship, Infidelity takes a toll on everyone involved -- from the victim, to the person doing the cheater, to the outside party. Even children and family members can be impacted, if the story leaks out. If you’re a victim of a cheater, you’re probably struggling to understand why people cheat and what you did to make your partner become unfaithful. When you understand the complexities of relationships, you can stop blaming and start healing.
Here are the characters involved:
The victim refers to the spouse or significant other who was staying faithful while the other party was cheating. This is the person presumed to be ‘innocent’. However, as mentioned it is never quite as simple as innocent vs. guilty. In fact, as cruel as it sounds, the “victim” can be just as much to blame as the cheater. While a cheating relationship is never justified, if you are the person dealing with putting the pieces back together, part of healing is to understand what went wrong and what you might have done differently.
Not everyone cheats. Of those who do, the motivation can vary. Sometimes the cheater is feeling lonely or undesirable and when someone else pays attention to them, they’re vulnerable to infidelity. Sometimes the cheater feels that something is missing in their relationship. This happens frequently if the person is a serial cheater or
The cold, hard truth is that if you are the victim, you share in some of the blame. You are responsible for your choices in life, including the people with whom you choose to share your life. While in many ways you ARE a victim—after all, you gave your love and loyalty, and trust — but you must also understand what went wrong to avoid these mistakes in the future.
Whether or not you choose to stay with this person, the mistakes of the past are doomed to repeat unless you take measures to change them.
You may be thinking that cheating is OK as long as no one finds out. Not so, you’re lying to yourself and hurting you both relationships. A
healthy relationship is based on honesty
While you may be blaming everyone but yourself— your partner and the other woman/man—for your infidelity, the truth is, you can only control what YOU do. And what you have been doing is hurtful and deceitful. Take responsibility.
Stop Finding Fault With Others
Why? What was missing to cause your cheating relationship?
If you’ve cheated before or think you’d cheat again
it may be a bigger problem.
Have you done everything to save the relationship?
Tell your partner that something is missing in the relationship and
seek help for yourself or as a couple
so that you make the right decision. It’s not always necessary to dissolve a cheating relationship, but until you decide what to do, and work things out, tell the third person the truth and cut off all contact. Make every attempt to show the victim that you’re sincere.
If you decide to leave the relationship—-or the other person makes that choice for you—-by all means, spend time alone. Get yourself together before you partner with another person, however, before you make a commitment, make sure to
untwist your thoughts so this time you can get it right.
The Other Person
Did you know your lover was in a committed relationship? When? Why did you stay? If someone is married, or committed to another person, walk away and keep walking.
Temptation can be hard to avoid, especially if you’ve met that incredible person who happens to be taken – but being taken, means taken – no matter what the person says -- unhappy at home, or they’re not understood – it doesn’t matter. If the cheater breaks up with the partner, or is finalizing his divorce, he/she is free.
If you're tempted to continue a cheating relationship,remember, “If the person will cheat with you, they will cheat on you.”
Unless someone is free, you’re bound to get hurt and waste a lot of precious time. So take a long look at yourself— ask yourself if you’re avoiding intimacy by getting involved with someone who may not be available to you.
If you’re codependent
codependent it’s common to get involved with unattainable people.
you may need help
to get over the rejection and be aware of who you are, and then move on to who you want to be.
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