A Relationship Addiction vs. Codependency

A relationship addiction or love addiction stemmed from understanding codependency however in the past 10 years or so , it’sbeen defined differently . In fact, according to Love Addicts Anonymous (LAA)one relationship addict is not only different from a codependency relationship but they differ from each other. Here’s the list that was prepared by the LAA:

Obsessed Love Addicts (OLAs) These people can’t let go, no matter what…..

Emotionally or Sexually Unavailable – afraid to commit, communicate, unloving, distant, abusive and controlling. They’re dictatorial, egocentric, selfish or addicted to something outside the relationship ex. hobbies drugs and alcohol sex gambling shopping etc

Relationship Addicts are no longer in love with their partners, but they can’t let go. This affects their health, their spirit and emotional well-being. They may be battered, but they’re afraid to be alone as well as afraid of change.

Narcissistic Love Addicts (NLAs) Control their partners through dominance, seduction and withholding. The narcissists won’t put up with anything that interferes with their happiness –not like codependents, who accept a lot of discomfort.

Ambivalent Love Addicts suffer from avoidant personality disorder or what Sex Love Addiction Anonymous refers to as emotional anorexia. These people don’t have a hard time moving forward, however, they can’t move on. They crave love, but are terrified of intimacy.

Torch Bearers obsess about someone unavailable. They either act out, by pursuing the person or suffer in silence. This feeds their fantasies and illusions, and this is known as unrequited love.

Saboteurs destroy relationships when they start to get serious, or when intimacy comes up –- before the first date, after sex, after discussing commitment, whenever….

Seductive Withholders come on to you when they want sex or companionship, but when they’re frightened or feel unsafe they withhold companionship, sex, affection or anything that make them feel anxious – similar to saboteurs.

Romance Addicts are addicted to multiple partners, but unlike /sex addicts who try to avoid bonding, these people bond with each partner to some degree. Their goal –-besides getting high from the romance and drama –- is to avoid bonding with 1 partner. Often romance addicts get confused with sex addicts.

There are many combinations of these relationship addictions, but it’s not necessary to label them. This list can tell you that if you’re in a relationship with one of these people, or if you have one of these problems. If you are, it’s difficult for you to break the cycle although you are not in a healthy relationship

The good news here is that you do not have to live like this forever and your can also get help. There are 12 step programs for relationship addiction and there are therapists and groups providing counseling to help you. Coaching can also be helpful to move you forward, gain self-esteem and have a happier life. Coaching can be done on line, where ever, and whenever it's convenient for you.

Try a free half hour of coaching & see if it's for you

If you have a question on this or other addictions just ask -- others will also benefit.

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